Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
