when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
