The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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