There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
