capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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