He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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