Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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