Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
