dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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