I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
