Rock
Scissors
Fuck
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
