i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
