Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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