Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize