who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
only you would photoshop your dick
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
