I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
