loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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