My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
50% drunk capacity currently
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
