So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
