if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize