i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
