We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
