Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
