I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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