So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
as a side note pls kill me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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