My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
