Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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