I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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