Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
