Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
