i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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