Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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