In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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