smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
