Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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