i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
