why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
