you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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