I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
