Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
