You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
