just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
