wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
