i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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