She's JV to your varsity
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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