we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the day after is always just damage control
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
