my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
