the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
