fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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