I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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