I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
