Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
