She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
