Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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