Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
