something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
