So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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