Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
