i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
