Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
