how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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