i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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