i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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