If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
