My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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