the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
im on a boat
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