just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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