Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
